I have spent a large portion of my life living in my own shadow. Not necessarily afraid of what lies beneath the darkness, rather, more concerned of others perceptions/reactions to seeing me.
The true me.
All of me.
Witnessing my life.
… … …No thanks, I’m good.
More comfortable in the shadows than living in the spotlight. Not one to crave attention, instead relishing in the space that remains unseen.
Bashful.
Not shy.
**Faaaar from it**
Just… Reserved.
Not afraid to speak up or step into the light when needed – or wanted 😜
“Flashes of Brilliance”, my dad used to call them. Those rare times when I was so in the moment I couldn’t hide my light. The feeling of eyes watching -judging- me, my abilities, my skills, my knowledge, pushed me right back into the darkness.
A subtle change outwardly, significant wave rocked inwardly.
Why am I so easily affected?
Why am I not able to accept me for me?
Unsure of who I really am.
Are those flashes really me?
Or are they glimpses of something I can never fully achieve?
Reserving my energy for – – – – I don’t know what.
Hanging in the shadows, but Neva really exploring all that lies within. Hunkered down “…in my own little corner, in my own little room…”
Only recently realizing there is far more to me than I even know.
Time to explore all that lies within, shedding light where there once was nothing ⚫
Like Atreyu in “The NeverEnding Story,” chasing The Nothing instead of running from it. Looking for answers in the blank, dark spaces where there once was something. Not sure what I am looking for. Unlike Peter Pan chasing his shadow, I’ve Neva spent enough time in the light to know what my shadow looks like.
How am I supposed to catch something I’ve Neva seen?
Guided by my instincts, learning to listen to the universe and my ancestors’ wisdom I found an amazing woman who wants to help me explore the darkness that lies within.
I used to be afraid of shadow work; the thought of inviting shadows into my world was scary. Personal experience and family with innate abilities helped me learn just enough to know I was not alone, but not enough to manage it or learn to protect against it.
I have come to learn that shadow work is not evil, it is not negative, it is nothing to fear.
In fact, it is quite the opposite. I must learn re-learn how to see in the darkness in order to truly maximize and capitalize on the light that lies within.
From a very young age, I saw the world differently. I felt things differently. The constant disbelief I encountered, always being told I was “too sensitive” or it was “just my imagination” led me to shielding, shading, covering up my feelings. I rarely spoke about my experiences to anyone. I stopped exploring this side of me.
A journey not for the faint of heart. Mine was broken after having my daughter, only now am I whole enough to begin learning about my shadow, my darkness, my power that lies within.
Uncovering the parts of me long since forgotten. Excitement coursing through my veins like fire, melting the fear that has kept me frozen for far too long. No longer will I hide my light, nor live in the shadows.
Ready or not, world, here I come!!